What value do you hope to gain from developing a daily practice?

A daily practice gives me a mental break from the chaos of every day life.  Giving myself to process the events and relationships around me.  Being stressed out takes its toll on me day in and day out.  I've come to realize we all need and deserve a little down time, alone.  I've been a control freak for so long because without a doubt every time I start to feel my head is above water... it pushes me back under and ties a brick to my ankles.   I can't breath and I need to.  I can't communicate in a constructive way and I need to learn how to overcome my fears and insecurities so that I can live a healthier and happier life no matter what trials and obstacles are put in front of me.  I'm hoping to learn to prioritize my days so that even on bad pain/ emotional days I can find clarity.  My life is so hectic at the moment that its hard to even grasp what security even means.  My life has been such a roller coaster and I want to be a better person despite the bullshit I've been through.  I have major self esteem issues due to being obese my entire life, and even after losing about 150 lbs the loose skin and my scars from Hidradenitis Suppurativa will always be there to remind me of the battles my body and mind has fought.  I have major abandonment issues.  A lot of loved ones have died within my family and friends, and I'm facing the death of my Grandmother whom I love very much within the next few weeks.  I can't even afford to make it out to San Diego to see her one last time and its killing me.  My relationship with my boyfriend has had its ups and downs because we both have insecurities and trust issues as well as having really shitty communication skills.  My mom was always passive, my dad brutally honest.  Losing my dad at 15 was the hardest thing I've ever been through and I will never heal from the loss.  May 21st will be 15 years since he's passed away... literally half my lifetime ago.  It just always seems so surreal.  I miss him.  Life will never be the same so I just have to deal with my emotions cry when I need to and know he is always in my heart.  I have always struggled with finances and it is a constant stressor.  Despite being disabled I'm in the process of finding employment at home through companies that work with Social Security and give us disabled individuals the opportunity to work remotely from home and have gainful employment despite our limitations.  I can do this.  I need to commit so I will find 20 minutes a day to myself to help get myself back on track.

Hidradenitis Suppurativa and My Struggles